To improve anything, it is vital to observe it consistently for periods of time without interference, collect data, make observations and deductions, and finally improve via trial and error. Humans have been doing this since the dawn of civilization and it is our way of understanding and navigating the natural world.
When we apply this method to the self, we are bound to interfere with our own measurements. We often judge ourselves, impose expectations, and carry the weight of guilt or shame when we perceive that we fall short. This interference can cloud our observations and hinder our ability to make accurate deductions about ourselves. Consistency is impacted too. Bursts of intense self-reflection followed by periods of guilt or shame can create an unhealthy cycle. We may become hesitant to engage in self-reflection altogether, fearing the negative emotions that often accompany it.
So, how do we break free from this cycle? While completely eliminating negative emotions may be unachievable due to the way our brains function, it is possible to minimize their impact by looking after yourself and taking care of your basic needs before letting your mind slip into deep introspection of your life. Things like sleep, hydration, food, walking outside, a good shower, comfortable wear and some quiet can go a long way.
Next, the key here is to observe yourself objectively as an outsider, and without judgement or preconceived notions, like observing an external entity or phenomena, just observing and taking notes. For example, imagine you have a cat, and it scratches the furniture. You’d observe it’s behavior and note things like:
- “19/09 - Cat scratches sofa when I’m outside the house”
- “21/09 - Added cardboard but cat seems uninterested, still scratches sofa”
- “22/09 - Moved sofa, cat seems more anxious now”
Approaching self-improvement with the same mindset of curiousity and problem-solving is not only healthier for you, but more reliable. Doing this requires the ability to observe yourself from a distance. In Buddhism, this is known as Detachment. Stoicism has it’s own related concept, called Apatheia.
It is important to be intentful and consistent about self-reflection. You cannot seriously expect to improve if you only do it when it’s New Year’s, or when you feel down. Dedicating a consistent time and place for this activity allows observation of a wider spectrum of our different states, gaining clearer and more complete insights to act upon.